1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
