Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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