it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
