I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
