I think I am morally bankrupt
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
