Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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