Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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