Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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