I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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