I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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