Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
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I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
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He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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