I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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