This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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