There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
