Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
