So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
