i permit you to call me
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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