Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
