I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
When did we convert life to cartoon?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
