WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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