Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
