Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize