I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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