I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
a search helicopter?!
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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