The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
