My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
