Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
