I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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