Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
did i walk over a car last night?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
