at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
