Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
When did angry sex become our thing?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
