Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
