Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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