You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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