I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
