i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize