You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
