Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
