I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
