hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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