You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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