Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
FUCK WHALES
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
