I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS