non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home