dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.