what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
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There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
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How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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