Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
