Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
