i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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