Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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