Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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