he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
we're so committed to being not committed
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
