I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Randomize
