Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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