god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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