how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
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