OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
