Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
