check it out our google latitudes are spooning
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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