Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize