just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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