dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize