I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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