She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
