I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
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Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
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If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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