Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
