everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
