We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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