My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
