the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
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thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
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Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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