i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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